Hetanimals
by cowspot
Summary: When attending the world meetings, it seems that a few nations don't turn up. This seems normal; but in reality, they were turned into their national animals! Contains adult themes/language, crack, extremely stupid. This fanfiction should not be viewed by anyone.
1. Guys Gone Wild

**I know I'm starting this, and I still have the friggin' states thingy, but, I, just, it... IT WAS TOO BRILLIANT. ;;**

**America: Uh oh. Dude, am I, like, gonna get my ass kicked in this one, too?**

**Me: Nope! You're gonna be a main character! :D**

**England: ... I read the description. I'm assuming that _I'm _the one who screws up?**

**Me: Yup! \(^u^)/ You're so smart, Iggy.**

**England: Why the bloody hell do I have to f*ck up every time? And why are you censoring me?**

**Me: Because I'm too lazy to think of a better excuse! :D And... because... I'm mainstream?**

**America: I'm still worried about my safety. Dude, are you _sure_ I'll be okay?**

**Me: Nope! Anyways, I don't own hetalia!**

**America: *gulp***

England strode precariously into the room, the virus he'd contracted making him stumble. _I finally got some peace and quiet with no conferences, and I contract the bloody flu? _

Although he usually wouldn't attempt to fix his normal, everyday problems with black magic, he couldn't take this damned cold any longer. Not to mention, there was a meeting tomorrow! He shuffled over to his bookshelf, and tore a fat book from it's shelves. Flying mint bunny approached him, frowning, and saying, "You're sick, Arthur! You should get some rest."

Arthur shook his head, and mumbled, "I *sniff* can't. The meeting's *sniff* tomorrow."

He flipped open the book, and scanned it's pages for a few moments. This was a famous spell, used often, though he'd still have to be careful. Of course, he needed to give to get, so he was pretty sure that he'd bestow his crappy illness onto some poor, unsuspecting, innocent citizen.  
He didn't particularly care.

After all, what's the worst thing they could be stopped from doing? He was a nation, after all! He had important things to do!

He began in a hushed whisper, standing in the middle of the circle he'd drawn on his basement floor long ago.

Speaking Olden English, he slowly got louder, until a small cough also began to rise in his throat. _F*ck! I can't cough, I'll mess up the entire spell! But it's too late to go back now!_

He tried to suppress the urge to start hacking, but inevitably, he threw himself into a horrendous coughing fit, spluttering everywhere.

FLASH!

England awoke from, apparently, his unconsciousness. "The... I... what?" dazed, he looked around at his unfamiliar surroundings, trying to work out what happened.

Click!

That was the sound of the gears in his head clicking into place. Some onomatopoeia? I spelled that right. Impressive, huh? Well, on the second try, at least...

England was in his large, plush couch, with his fairy friends watching over him protectively. "England... we're glad your okay! We thought you might have to miss the meeting!"

England shot up, looking at his fictional friends, still staring at him with concern. "The meeting! What happened? How long was I out?"

Flying Mint Bunny sighed, and said, "England, you tried that spell. I think it worked, because you sound better. We dragged you up here, with Captain Hook's help. You've been unconscious for about three hours."

England took a moment to process this, then said, "Thank you, everyone! I don't know what I would have done without you!" grinning, he began to gloat, "But this is why you shouldn't tell me not to use magic! It works fine."

"I sure hope so," murmured Tinkerbell, shaking her head disapprovingly.

THE NEXT MORNING. (I know, my pacing is horrible, and I write like a half-dead, blind, deaf, baby worm.)

Germany was just beginning to stir when a horrendous squealing noise hit his ears. His eyes flashed opened, and he leaped out of bed, frantically calling Italy's name. "ITALY? ITALY? Vhere are you!?"

He flung open the door to the bathroom, and there, waiting for him, was a... _wolf!? _

"AAAH! A DOG!" the wolf yipped at him.

"Vait... DID YOU EAT ITALY!?"  
At this, the canine whimpered, clearly terrified. But who wouldn't be? Germans really _are _scary when they're mad. That's why I should of taken German instead of Mandarin. That, or the fact that my Mandarin teacher SUCKS. But, I DIGRESS.

And so, the big scary Ludwig, angry as he was, couldn't manage to catch that damned wolf.  
"_Verdammt!*_ Get back here! I WILL VILL AVENGE YOU, ITALY!"

But it was as though the wolf had contracted super speed. It raced away from Germany so fast that it was a blur. I've had some calculations done, and I've discovered that his top speed was 723 mph.  
_Italy... only Italy could retreat like that._

He threw himself into the kitchen, and found the wolf chomping down on some left over pasta Italy must've left out overnight. Germany's emotions almost bubbled over. "YOU ATE ITALY! A-and... he still calls for pasta..." he screeched again, pouncing upon the canine, and trying desperately to punch him, only resulting in him falling on his face as the wolf sped away.

"ITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Britain glanced at the clock. 7:14. Almost every nation in the UN was crowded around a long, white table, waiting irritably for the Northern Italy, Germany, Spain, Romano, America, France, and South Korea to arrive.

"I understand why that git America isn't here, but Germany? I could understand the others running late, too, but... _Germany?_" he announced blatantly, unsure who to bicker with, because France wasn't there.

By 7:30, England was beginning to worry. Clearly, the spell had to have done something.

That's when Germany came in.

"Italy's dead! A-a-a-a wolf ate h-him!"

In unison, all of the other nations screamed, "WHAT!?"

"I-I-I-I.. I don't know! I just w-woke up, and he wasn't there!" There was a lot more grief in Germany's tone than Britain expected.  
The nations all erupted into loud speculations and propositions.

"The wolf couldn't have eaten him entirely, aru!"

"What!? Italy's dead? What about Romano?"

"What happened to the others?"

"There would be human remain! It does not make any sense, aru!"

"Are you sure?"

Germany told him exactly what happened, when some idiot chimed in with a

"DUDE? ITALY SLEEPS IN YOUR BED!?"

"This is all very strange, da? I wonder if they died... if so, no need to grieve. You will all join them soon!"

An ear-splitting screech interrupted the country's blabbing. Everyone turned to look at the door, and the splattered torso which flattened itself against the glass window.

"Craa..."

and slid to the floor.

Alfred stared up at that damned door. _Stupid door. Stupid Iggy. Stupid self. Stupid... state-of-being._

He stubbornly flapped to his feet, pathetically doing his best to regain his balance. His eyes focused on the door nob, attempting to laser-beam it, causing it to smolder and die painfully, then, finally, letting him in. At least, that was his theory.

_I am the world's strongest SUPER POWER. I don't CARE if I'm in debt to China, and I don't CARE if Obama is pissed about me not turning in my paperwork for seven months. You, door, are NO MATCH for me. SO LET ME IN. I swear to God... _

_Open._

_Open._

_Open._

_DO NOT RESIST MY WILL._

The door was, of course, terrified of America's threats, and soon obliged. Well, Switzerland did, at least.  
"Who the hell is ou-" Switzerland blinked, staring down at the small, stark figure lying at his feet.  
"Who the is it? The frog?" England called from inside.

America whirled around, his gaze now sharpening onto England's face.

_Damn, _America marveled, _I have some impressive eyesight._

He could literally _see _England's pores as clearly as if they were a black burger on a white mountain of sugar.  
It wasn't attractive.

But, really, he could see _everything. _

"Is that a bloody eagle?"

To that, America replied with deafening caw.

Switzerland nodded, "I'll chase the damn thing away. Even though it's claws are pretty big." and so, Switzerland whipped out a shotgun, and pointed it directly at the bird's face.

Alfred didn't approve.

And so, he panicked.

A lot.

"CREEE! CAAAAAAAAAH! CRAAAAAAAAAAAAW! CREEAH! CAH!"

He flapped his broad wings, somehow managing to slip clumsily past Switzerland, who fired his inevitable warning shot, causing every nation, including Alfred, to hit the floor.

England didn't approve, either. He was focusing on the worst possible outcome of this situation, but there was that undeniable reasoning in his mind that it was probably just some prank America set up. Letting loose a Bald Eagle... hah-hah, Alfred. Hilarious.

America opened his wings, still frantic from the terrifying noise, which was even louder to his keen eagle senses.  
_How do I use these damn things? Oh crap, his gun's up aga-AAAAH!_

Switzerland fired yet another warning shot, directly at the ceiling. "Sw-Switzerland-kun, please stop shooting..." desperately, Japan looked to Liechtenstein for help. "P-please, Liechtenstein-chan, p-please ask your brother to stop..."

Liechtenstein, however, had already gladly filled out that request. "Big Bruder, that's loud..."

Her endearing-ness was too much for poor ol' Switzy.

Anyways, America was just sitting on the table. Y'know. Having a mini-heart attack, and trying to beat his wings.  
_I swear, Iggy, if that magic crap you talk about is true, you are SO getting a nuclear bomb dropped on your ass._

Suddenly, America was yanked into the air by something. _AAAH! _in his terror, he beat his wings, only to realize that, he was, in fact, flying.

_Oh. So that's how you use these things_.

Even so, his first flight as an eagle was extremely brief- He quickly fell back onto the table that the nations were sitting around. You know, mainly because he wasn't an eagle. And didn't know how to adjust his tail feathers. Or wings. Or how to fly like that at all.

"America!" Mexico screamed in irritation, "I swear, if you don't get your stupid bird out of here, I will feed him to Hong Kong!"

Hong Kong looked up from the phone he was fiddling with. "Hey! I don't eat eagle... d*ck."

That's when, suddenly, a bit of human intelligence broke through the shock of... you know... being an eagle, and America hopped up, smoothing out his feathers, and clearing his throat. Oh, I'm sorry, I mean, gurgled and cawed some more.

_Oh, yeah. They don't know it's me. I guess that's why the Taxi guy panicked when I got in his car... so... I write it_?

America frowned, and stared around the room. Everyone was looking at him, still confused as to why America still had this stupid prank going on.

_THERE_.

Using his eagle-eye superpowers (heh) he'd spotted Hong Kong, who was aimlessly screwing around with his Iphone. Screeching a battle cry, Alfred pshed off of the table and gave his great wings a single beat, half-jumping and half-skidding across to the poor, unsuspecting nation, and snatching Hong Kong's phone away from him.  
"HEY! AMERICA! YOUR STUPID BIRD STOLE MY PHONE!" He swiped out with his fist.  
Bad move.

America swiped back with his talon, cutting Hong Kong, and leaving a gash across his hand.  
"Ow!"  
There was a scuffle as Hong Kong desperately tried to snatch his phone away from America, but he was just too quick, however uncoordinated and clumsy he happened to also be. Giving four quick flaps of his wings, Alfred managed to escape to a small shelf jutting out of the wall, which, surprisingly, he'd never noticed before. All the while, he screeched, and Hong Kong screeched back.

"GIVE ME MY PHONE! I _WILL _MURDER YOU!" Hong Kong screamed in pure rage.  
Eagmerica... didn't...

America didn't consent to Hong Kong's demands, so he proceeded to try and type with his large, sharp beak, which was designed to eat mice. Not really cut out for typing. Oh well. After about five minutes, he'd managed to type out this:

utry mehrru amimrca.

_Damn it! Why couldn't Hong Kong have brought a tablet?_

He clumsily smashed his beak into the *delete* button, scratching Hong Kong's pride and joy.

He tried once again, carefully, oh-so-slowly, pressing just the tip of his bill against each singly character.

Here's what he came up with:

ehngld ists m amerca

Sighing... or, whatever an eagle did when they were exasperated, America turned back to the room full of nations. He opened his wings a bit, closing his scaly toes around the phone, trying his best not to touch any buttons. Finally taking in one more breath, he hurled himself into the air, flapping his wings repeatedly and spiraling out of control. To his surprise, however, he managed to stay in the air, even though he wasn't really working off anything. No thermals in a conference room.

He wasn't flying.

He was falling.

With style.

_Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this!_

He flipped out of control, then spotting his target, quickly straightened his body into an aerodynamic shape, and hurtled towards England at full speed, raking his claws past him, narrowly missing his arm, and dropping the phone, with surprising accuracy, in front of him.

He flapped again, quickly regaining air to avoid a very pissed off Hong-Kong, and zipping back to his perch upon the ugly, but private, white shelf.

He shuffled over to peek at his former-caretaker, whom was peering down in disbelief at Hong Kong's phone.

His fears had been confirmed.

The actual message read:

ehngld ists m amerca fghnjshjnkdghbmkdn gdfgdr84t55nnfhgddbn9

But he knew what it meant.  
Uncertainly, England cast a look upwards, to behold the sight of an extremely pissed off Hong Kong grabbing his phone back.

England took a moment to process this information.

"Hong Kong... did you... help America with this prank?" he asked, observing how Hong Kong was carefully inspecting every fresh scratch, newly imprinted into his precious phone.

Hong Kong glared daggers at England, and, still cradling his precious baby in one hand, spat, "That d*ck scratched my phone. So, no, I didn't help him commit this... injustice."

America snorted from his bird's-eye view (heh), but flinched when a terrible sound shook the very foundation everyone was standing on.

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

_AAAH! Wh-what the hell, is there an earthquake coming? What is that? Guys, what do we do? I can't do anything, I'm just a bird! I can't speak, what do we- _in the midst of yet another panic attack, Alfred realized nobody else was surprised to hear the sound of this... invasion.

"I'm going to kill those bastards!"

America let out another caw, and launched himself off the shelf in an attempt to swoop down to the door. He overestimated his skills and sped, completely out of control, down to the floor.

Regaining his composure, he went into a dive, heading straight for the conference door, the thundering footsteps striking fear into his heart every time they sounded.

America never realized his sharp eagle senses picked up the sounds that the nations couldn't.

In a flurry of rapid-fire wing beats, he arrived at the door, looked around in terror, only to realize no one was paying him any attention. Apparently, nobody heard his caws.  
So, in one deep breath, he let out another ear-splitting scream, causing everyone on the block to pause for at least one minute and wonder what made that god-awful noise.

"SCCCCCCCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEE! "

The nation's ears rung, and there was silence in the conference room.

After two minutes, finally, Austria broke it with a simple, "Ow."

_Yeah, I bet that music wasn't pleasant, dumbass, but there's an ANGRY ROMANO, AND SH*T'S GONNA GO DOWN!_

When he realized the thundering stomps were getting closer and closer every second, he recoiled, beating his wings desperately to gain air, fighting for altitude, just to make it back to his ledge of indefinite safety. He flapped with all his might, screeching one last warning, and just in time, made it to his safety bunker- I mean, shelf. Romano was gonna go Mafia on Britain's ass. Right after America caused a nuclear holocaust.

_Well, it was nice knowing you, Iggy._

That was when one pissed-off looking Romano burst into the room, with an unrealistically happy bull trailing behind him, wielding the rooster which had been riding on his back.

Iggy had changed Spain, Italy, America, and France into their national animals.

And don't even get me started on South Korea.

Basically,

the sh*t was hitting the fan.

It wasn't good.

**Me: Well, that was stupid!**

**England: Why must I be the one that has to die?**

**Me: Because, Iggy, you turned everyone into animals!  
**

**England: Don't call me that.**

**Me: No.**

**Iggy: Hey, no- oh, real mature!**

**Me: Shut up, Arthur! Important announcement time!**

**America: I'm a bird, weee~**

**Italy: VEEEE~ I'M DEAD!?**

**Me: No, Italy, you're a wolf, now let me-**

**Greece: ... I would like to be a cat... zzz...**

**Me: SHUT UP! So, I'll try to post at least one chapter for both stories every week, which is a LOT slower than what was basically my, 'every other day' schedule for the Hetalia States. I just needed to make this! xD I also will try to get some other nations to turn into their animals. I dunno. Suggest some? XD  
**

**Japan: Wow, Julia-san, you wrote 3,000 words in one chapter!**

**Me: It's more than two average chapters' length in Hetalia States! xD Aaaand now it's 12:50 AM T-T**

**China: Can I be a panda? Or Hello Kitty, aru?**

**Me: Nope! Possibly, a dragon. Oh, and Scotland's _definitely _gonna become a unicorn. **

**Please Review! I own nothing!**

***Damn!**


	2. Eye of the Korean

**Me: Alright! Glad you like the story ^^**

**China: You do not have any idea of where you're going with this, right, aru?**

**Me: Eheheheh yup. But I know it'll be about Korea! And his tiger-ness. And I know the name. EYE OF THE KOREAN.**

**Hong Kong: I am going to AVENGE my phone's death. How could you? ;;**

**Me: It still works, it just has scratches!**

**Spain: MOOO!**

**Romano: HEY! Tomato-bastard, you're not a bull in the intro. Why the f*ck are you mooing?**

**Spain: I'm staying in character, cutie!**

**America: Great idea! SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**

**South Korea: ROOOOOOOOOOAR!**

**China: Quiet, aru! You haven't even been introduced yet.**

**South Korea: I dunno, but the authoress is lazy, so I'll probably just be called Korea for now ^^'**

**Me: Yup!**

**China: I didn't even ask if... well, this intro is too long now, aru.**

**Me: You're right! I don't own hetalia!**

Korea screamed.

Loudly.

"RAAAAAAAAWWWCK!

_What the hell? Why did I... how... a... a-a-a A TIGER!_

He recoiled in fear, falling backwards and flailing his legs wildly. _Th-there's a tiger in here! WHAT DO I DO!? HEEELP! He-hello? B-b-boss? ARE YOU THERE? HEEEEELP!  
_

He went on like that for a while, until, he finally gave the supposed 'tiger' (his reflection in the full-length mirror) one last scathing glance, and hopped onto his feet, bounding away. He staggered, and fell, for some reason unable to walk on his hind legs. Clumsily crawling to his feet, he crawled desperately away from the big beast.

It took him an hour to realize that there was no tiger chasing him.

He continuously dashed around the house, ruining everything in his path and being warned off by the various decorative mirrors he'd placed everywhere.

_There he is! Oh, no, I don't think I'm going to-_

His thoughts were interrupted as he let loose a loud sneeze.

He sneezed.

The tiger sneezed.

Korea stood there in amazement, shaking his head in confusion. The tiger shook his head.  
He raised one hand. Or, paw, as it was.

The tiger raised his paw.

Realization dawned in his mind.

_I-I'm a... a... tiger? What? But, how does... I... that... wh-what? WHAT? Did someone slip me some LSD when I wasn't looking? What's going on? I just... I can't... WHAT? I don't know..._

And so, Korea sat there, staring in disbelief at the tiger's... _his... _reflection. Then, he pulled his lips back, showing all of his gleaming teeth, in an attempt to smile.

_Oh, so it's just a dream. Great! Hehe, this is gonna be awesome! I'm totally gonna scare boss. Where is he, anyway?_

Korea looked around, then stood up in search of his boss. Aimlessly, he wandered into his kitchen. Taped onto a note, his boss had scribbled out, in Korean, the words, "I went out to the market. Don't break anything."

Whoops. Too late.

Korea shrugged off his boss's warning, and approached the door.  
_I've never had dream where I was in such... control. This is sweet! I am SO gonna scare the crap out of him, then tell him about it later, when I wake up!_

Snickering in anticipation at the fun he was about to have, Korea pawed at his door nob, twisting it around and then leaping outside with quite some difficulty.  
He spotted a young man, about 20 or so, and snaked his way over.  
The man screamed.

Then ran away.

Korea chased him.

Meanwhile, back in the conference room.

Romano's eye twitched in pure rage, "You mean to tell me... that... you turned the tomato-bastard into a... _bull? _And the pervert into a rooster?"

England nodded. Romano was not one to be messed with; even though he was cowardly, he could suddenly go all mafia-on your *ss. "I hadn't meant for this to happen... it was a complete accident! I did it to America, too... a-and probably South Korea. A-a-and... um... also..." he looked to Germany for support, but he was glowering at him with distaste. "A-also France, as you know... um... and... a-and... I also... um... a-and-"

"SPIT IT OUT, YOU ASS!"

"ITALY!" England blurted, "I turned Italy into a wolf!"

Romano tackled him.

"My brother!?" he screamed, "I don't care about Spain, but my brother! You're DEAD!"

The bull...Spain... okay, let's go with Spain.

Spain looked wounded, but Romano didn't seem to notice. After all, bulls can't really make facial expressions.

America was fondly watching from his perch on the white shelf, which he decided to name "Shelfy". After all, Shelfy had saved his ass from an angry Hong Kong on multiple occasions that day, so he figured he deserved some recognition. I also think his eagle mind was causing his human brain to slowly deteriorate into a wad of stupid, but it was kinda already like that, so I'm not sure. Just a theory.

_Serves him right, _America thought savagely, _What's Obama gonna say when I tell him I became an eagle? This sucks. Wait... what's that?_

Alfred suddenly trained his razor-sharp, intense gaze down onto that one rooster which was chilling on a really sad bull. Spain, America realized. The bull, I mean. America has no idea what the hell France was turned into. He was only listening to the conversation halfway. _MMMmmmm... _America thought about how hungry he was. He hadn't even stopped for McDonalds on the way here! He'd tried, but oh, no, _apparently _that stupid blond chick at the register didn't understand eagle. Stupid blond chick. All he'd eaten was, like, 25 servings of pancakes at Denny's! (Does Denny's serve pancakes? Lol idfk xD I know. It's a disgrace, I can't even remember the menu for Denny's. I SHOULD BE EMBRACING MY AMERICAN-NESS. Shame on me, shame on me.)

And he could really, really go for some rooster-burger right now.

_Alright, just don't move, rooster-thingy. I'm not gonna hurt you, just, ya know, eat you. Not so bad, right?_

America launched himself into the air, going straight at France, hoping for a kill. He flapped his wings in a flurry of feathers as he approached the rooster, and swiped his talon just above his head. Luckily for France, he overpowered his dive and whizzed right past 'em, crashing into the tile floor._  
_

Alright, guys, I'm making up the fanfiction as I go along. So I must warn you.

We are about to enter France's perverted mind.

You may not make it out of this place, but, hell, I'm going for the gold. I understand if you leave now.

*Everyone ditches me.*

I feel so loved.

Anyway, GO FORTH, TO FRANCE'S MIND! *charges forward* YAAAAAH! OH GOD, THE IMAGES! THEY'RE TERRIBLE!

_What in the... is that... America...? Why is he flying at me? This is serious, it is not so funny; no stupid jokes. Wait, is-AAAH!_

He clucked in fear, and raced away, looking for sanctuary. Which he found, apparently, in Ukraine's lap.  
Russia stalked over to him, and towered over the poor little rooster with an intimidating, "KOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOL!"

France ran away.

America shot upwards, chasing after France once more, who was now racing away from him, dodging around the wooden legs of the table and the legs of the nations. Alfred attempted to follow him, but inevitably, failed. Bald eagles aren't really built for running, after all. He flapped his way into nations, ripping into their soft flesh, and crashing into the table's legs. "AMERICA" Germany screamed as a gash opened on his leg, "STOP CHASING FRANCE! NOW!"

But America was in full eagle-mode now, and only cared about eating France. _JUST LET ME EAT YOU! I mean, LOVE YOU!_

France, too, was engulfed in his rooster's crazy mind. He had but two thoughts: _AAH! I need to get away from this eagle, and find a hen to mate with!  
_You see, roosters do about three things in their spare time: Have sex, pursue sex, or crow about the sex they just had (Anyone get that reference? No? Okay...). So, really, it's no surprise that France picked that as his national animal.

Currently, in the room, there was a very amusing scene taking place.

France, in rooster form, of course, was dashing around the room to evade the evil America, in eagle form, attempting to eat him. Hong Kong was screaming something in Cantonese, along the lines of, "How dare you hurt my phone? I will avenge him!" all while the nations who America scratched nursed their legs or feet, and Romano wrestled with Britain.

That's when some poor, unsuspecting British lady walked in (AHAHAHAH inside jokes*). "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a call for-" she stared blankly at the strangeness going on before her. Then, she brought the phone back to her ear, and mumbled, "Sorry, it's not a good time... No, Mr. Egypt just appears to be a bit... busy, right now." then, she stepped back into the hall, closed the door, and went on her way.

Finally, Britain managed to throw Romano off him, and shouted (whew, moving the plot along), "AMERICA. STOP."

Alfred halted for a moment, allowing France to get away, and, unfortunately, Hong Kong to reach him. "You killed my phone. Prepare to die."

Luckily, America regained his composure, and just managed to spaz his way up to Shelfy before Hong Kong could kill him.

Britain sighed. He really didn't want to say what he was about to say. But he _had _to say it. "This is just my punishment for doing this to them..." he mumbled to himself, "Everyone! Listen... black magic can have side effects, too... some that won't activate for a while. Which is why," he was almost crying at this point, "You're going to stay... at my house..."

France clucked wildly at that.

"Shut up, frog!" exclaimed Britain.

_Whoa. Dude, the chicken's France? Whoops. _America screeched in distaste. _Am I gonna have to eat your crappy food, too?_

"But in the meantime, we have to look for South Korea!"

Suddenly, everyone realized that he wasn't there.  
Mexico sniffed, and stared up at Britain, "What is his national animal?"

Everyone looked at each other, shrugging.

America screeched, _Dude, I'll totally be able to see him! _He flapped down to England, screaming and cawing, wanting to gloat about his superior eyesight. England sighed, then pulled out his Iphone. "I have a translator app, you know."

_You could have told me that earlier..._ he thought in anger, looking back at Hong Kong, who was currently being held back by Moldova.

He screeched some incomprehensible nonsense at England, and waited for the Iphone to translate it. It came out as: "Your eyesight is unpleasant. Mine better. I see Korea sleep."

Britain gave him a look.

America cawed in protest. _That app sucks! I SAID that my eyesight is better than yours, and that I could see Korea! Stupid thing._

"Let's just go... Germany, can you get Italy?" Britain muttered. Germany nodded.

And so, our heroes set off to look for South Korea as he roamed the streets of London, while the authoress typed two words per second, constantly clicked around from MCR to Green Day to Billy Joel, and focused on her former success.

England sighed, staring hopelessly around at the thousands of people crowding the streets of London. "How the bloody hell are we going to find him here?" he grumbled, looking up at Alfred, who was flapping above him.  
Alfred, of course, had totally forgotten that his objective was to find South Korea, and _not _to just waste time flying around London. _Oh, sweet! Flying seems way cooler here... _

He opened his broad wings, and was surprised to feel warm air billow up beneath them. It lifted him up and up until, finally, he was soaring like a real eagle._ crap, dude, this _rules_! _

"America!" Britain yelled to him, "Look for Korea while you're up there!"

Alfred smirked. He could see _everything. _He could see the fleas crawling along a stray dog which roamed the streets, and he must have been a thousand feet up. He spotted the way Spain flicked his tail for a moment, and the eyes of passerby's gasping as the sight of a fighting bull. He could _still _see England's pores. Which, believe me, he did not find attractive. If Korea were out there, he'd be able to spot him. Unless his national animal was like... an amoeba... or something. But most of all, he saw prey. He saw a mouse as it scurried along near the sewers. He saw a robin fluttering into a tree. _Mmm...now that I think about it, I could go for some rat burger... okay, gross. Focus, dude, focus!_

He couldn't help but smirk (Well, in his mind) at his superior vision. _Look at them, searching that one street. I can see, like, fifty of them at once! Okay... so... Korea... look for an animal... maybe that robin was Korea! Or that rat, or-_

Bam.

There it was.

Korea.

He stood out a _lot. _His fur was bright orange, and flecked with black stripes. The fact that he got to be a tiger almost made America jealous.  
Almost.

He gave one loud screech, arched his body into a dive, and rocketed down to the earth.

As he rushed towards Korea, he realized that he didn't really know how to stop. He thought for a moment about the videos he'd seen of eagles; none really consisted of them diving. _Damn it.  
_So, he just did what he figured he should.  
He flapped his wings.  
Alfred flipped, heard-over-talons, and spiraled down to a patch of very, very hard pavement.  
Hey, at least he landed near Korea.

"AAH! All the animals have gone mad!" a fat old man with a scraggly beard yelled, "RUN!"

In what seemed like a millisecond, America just managed to right himself, flap his wings, slow down, and merely float down to the ground. Korea glared at him.

_Sup, eagle? _he thought, _Wanna go around scaring the sh*t outta some more people?_

The eagle focused it's glare at him. Then, it let out a deafening scream. In response, Korea bared his teeth at him.

_Ow, shut up!_

He swatted at the stupid bird with one huge paw. In his annoyance, he let out an equally loud roar. Then, he showed his teeth in that same kind of, "Tiger grin."

_Two can play at that game._

Korea swore that the eagle was trying to egg him on. It focused it's emotionless gaze on him once more, and screamed.  
Loudly.

_Ow! Not cool!_

So, they had an entire game of 'Who can scream the loudest'. All the while, America was hoping that Britain's useless human ears would manage to pick up the noise.

Korea was a tough challenger; just as his roars were starting to catch up with Alfred's screeches, England, Romano, Spain, and France-who was still riding Spain- appeared around the corner.

He started yelling something but Korea's roars drowned him out.

Finally, he got fed up and screamed at the top of his lungs, "SHUT UP!"

In between the constant animal noises that were being made.  
Korea whirled around, fixing his deadly gaze right onto England's equally deadly one.  
_Tu-shay. _

"Now then," England said, "Korea. I turned you into a tiger using black magic."

Korea glared at him.  
America would have snickered, _That doesn't sound too weird._

"It was an accident. I was trying to get rid of my cold. Anyway, you... stop looking at me like that! You'll have to stay at my house until I can fix this. There might be some delayed... side effects."

Korea took a moment to process this. _Is this just some messed up dream? _He looked over at Alfred.

England sighed, "The eagle is America. The bull's Spain. The rooster is France. Italy was also turned into a wolf." mentioning the cowardly nation earned him a slap from Romano.

Korea couldn't believe this. He shook his head. _I must be dreaming... this is ridiculous!_  
England could tell the poor guy was confused, so he just said, "Unless I'm the one dreaming, this is real."  
Korea was about to object with a growl, but feathers flapping in his face interrupted him.

He looked back to see a pissed-off Macaw and some other, smaller bird (a Tero, but hey, Britain had no idea what the hell that was).  
The Macaw suddenly screamed in it's craggy voice, "The first side effect, you *****."

**Me: Done! Well, that took a while ^^' Let's see if anyone can guess who the Tero is! NO GOOGLING. xD**

**Britain: I'm so glad Romano didn't turn into a wolf. He would've eaten my ass.**

**Me: Sooo I've made it my rule to have every chapter over 3,000 words :D**

**America: Scccreeeee. *Ahem* Flying is epic :D**

**Korea: Not as good as being a tiger.**

**Brazil: Nuh-uh! Flying is cooler. Besides, being a macaw and all, you can still talk to people :3**

**America: BIRDS FOR LIFE.**

**Brazil: F*** YEAH! *wing five***

**Me: Pleaaasse review! It makes me feel better about myself! And please, feel free to request some countries! :D And for nations that don't have official animals, I'll just go with their unofficial animal. Like the Tero! Hmm... if I turn Switzerland into his unofficial-cow-ness, he'll be a chick... *evil grin.***

**Switzerland: F*** no. I'll grab my gun.**

**Brazil: For now, I won't have any personality. Julia needs to come up with one! Suggestions...? XD  
**

**Me: Crap, now my J button sucks.**

***So, I was just chillaxin'(totally a word) in science class, and we had to do this stupid play. I was with some people who's names I can't say, so I'll just call them Anne, Dan, and Todd. So we were doing this play where we had to bumble around like drugged up-idiots to show side effects of inhalants/meth/cocaine/heroine (totally worth it though, because it made my science teacher say skag.). Anyway, it totally sucked. No one knew what we had (it was cocaine), and it went something like this:**

**Todd breaks Anne's pencil, who's character is names Mrs. Robinson.***

**Dan pretends to vomit but it just looks like he's doing some weird kind of mating ritual. **

**I bumble around like an idiot.**

**Anne gasps and says in a British accent, "Oh dear, I'm calling nine-one-one. How awful!"**

**So my weird, homophobic (that's a story for a later date) science teacher blatantly says, "That sucked."**

**So Anne, in response, says, "I was a just a British lady.."**


	3. A Bull Destroying China

**Me: Emerejrhaguihbaigb I just (YAAAAAAAAAY J button works again ;u;) turned on Three Days Grace, and was like INSPIRATION. I knoowww I have to write the states stories again but there was no INSPIRATION lately. ;; Anyway, YUP! It was Uruguay :) And... this... took to long.**

**Uruguay: Did you come up with my personality?**

**Me: Eeeeh... semi-ish.**

**Brazil: Me?**

**Me: Kinda... OOOH Seinfeld's on.**

**Uruguay: What's Seinfeld?**

**Me: Only the BEST show ever. It's that one where George gets engaged and then regrets it and the wife dies... well, it's funnier than it seems.**

**Uruguay: Eh... okay...**

**Me: ****I don't own hetalia.**

* * *

Britain looked over all of the countries who'd been affected by his spell. He uttered a few curses under his breath. "Bloody, mother of... seven. Seven wild animals are in my house, with Japan, China, Russia, Romano, and Germany the only ones willing to stay over... mother of ****!"

Brazil looked questioningly at America. They were sort of had a little bird-pact thing going. "What's up with him?" she croaked, as quietly as possible.

America scowled; but that didn't mean much, because he always scowled. I hope I don't have to remind you that eagles can't make expressions.

Because they can't.

America gave a small caw of agreement; England always obsesses over these things. _He is so thinking about how messy this place is gonna get._

Said country raised his bushy eyebrows in sarcastic interest to Brazil. "I'm sorry, Polly, did you say something?"  
Brazil turned to look at him, rolling her eyes. "Calm down, Sir Brows."  
The tero, Uruguay, glanced at his sister. _Really, sis? _

Italy, clinging to both Germany and Romano, yipped. _I want to talk again! WAAAAAAAAAAH! _he let out another whimper, to which Germany replied to by patting him on the back.

The hair on the back of England's neck was already beginning to stand up as he said, "First of all, no excess noise. No mess. No-thing."  
Spain snorted.

England went on about the rules for another two hours or so. Basically, he expected twelve men in their 20s to behave like they were in a library at all times. Seven of which, were, of course, wild animals.

"Just... leave me alone. I'll be in the basement, working this spell out, if you need me. Please, don't." gruffly, he turned away, walking to the stairway that led downstairs.

A pouting Romano was seen trudging up to the stairway near his guest room, Spain in tow. Germany rummaged quickly through the small backpack he'd brought along, pulling out a book, and following the two nations upstairs so he could read in peace. Russia, happy as ever, went downstairs, downing a bottle of vodka as he trudged downwards. Korea was bored, and so he went into Britain's luxurious backyard, leaping into the pool. Italy ran after Germany, and China walked towards the kitchen; Japan was sitting on Britain's couch, France was clucking about, glancing at everything with distaste and probably making snide comments in his head, Uruguay was flapping a little bit, trying to get used to his new body, and America and Brazil... well, I don't know.

I think they were playing tag. America was chasing Brazil around the living room, cawing, as Brazil flapped frantically away. Wait, no, they're... America was in eagle mode again! Or, no, er, okay...

America and Brazil had exchanged a few nods as Britain was blabbing on about who-knows-what. It went a little something like this:

America gargled a little bit, rolling his eyes as if to say, _This is sooo boring._

Brazil sniffed, and fluffed out her feathers in agreement.

Alfred looked back at her, and gave a surprisingly soft caw; one Britain didn't even notice. _I know, right?_

He then flapped his wings impatiently.

Brazil would have grinned, as she muttered a garbled, "Want to practice fly-ing?"

America, too, had new light shining in his eyes. He cooed quietly, nodding a bit. _Later_.

Anyways, just as Uruguay was fleeing from the insane nations by retreating under the couch, there was shriek heard from upstairs, followed by a high-pitched whine, and three people and a wolf rushing downstairs, followed by an enraged bull.

"Aaah! Bull-bastard, go a- AHH!"

"Bloody... aah!"

"VHAT THE HELL!?"

"Rrrwwwooor~"

America and Brazil finally stopped acting like morons, the startled birds screeching and frantically flying away, flapping about in the air for a moment, before coming to perch on Britain's ceiling fan. Romano locked himself in the bathroom, but left the others to die. "WHY DID YOU GIVE HIM A BLOODY _RED_ TOMATO?" Britain screeched, slamming on the door, "Open up!"

Germany ran about in a circle, yelling and flailing his arms wildly. Italy was whining, cowering behind him, ears flattened against his skull. Japan had leaped up from the couch, and was carefully inching away like a true ninja. Uruguay was trembling under the couch, and France was clucking wildly, racing around in circles. Poor old China, who had just been stepping out of the kitchen in his red jacket, was currently being trampled nearly to death by Spain, before he set his eyes upon Brazil's bright neon feathers, most of which were red. He lunged forward, bucking like a wild horse. "ROMANO I SWEAR, OPEN UP! I'LL KILL YOU!" Britain screeched, yanking on the doorknob with all of his might.

"Ve need to cover his eyes!" Germany yelled, snatching a blanket off of the couch he and Italy were hiding behind.

A red blanket.

"NOOO!" all of the nations screamed simultaneously. But it was too late. Spain had already caught sight of it.

_I HATE THAT COLOR SO MUCH!_

_Dude, Germany, red pissed him off!_ America screamed in his mind; even he knew _that_.

Spain was charging horns-first at Germany, who gaped at his bulging muscles (and surprisingly large buttocks, but since Germany's a dude, he didn't really notice that.) and backed frantically away. All he managed to yell was a curt: "AAAAH! No!" before Spain impaled him. Well, his thigh. Ouch.*

Spain suddenly yanked his horn out of a still-screaming Germany, who fell back, limping meekly away as Spain caught sight of Brazil's bright red plumage again. He lunged forward, thrashing his head violently. Brazil screeched, flinching backwards despite the fact that she was safely perched upon the ceiling fan. Tripping(no not like drugs), she spiraled backwards, falling towards the hardwood floors in a cloud of feathers.

Finally, Britain managed to grab a _blue _blanket, and hurl it at the raging animal. Spain stopped rampaging for a moment as the cloth draped over his back and head. Giving a discontented snort, the bulky animal raised his massive head and bellowed. Japan, who had been hiding in Britain's front-hall-closet, took a calming breath. After which, he moved slowly towards Spain, making no sudden noises or movements. As the Asian nation reached the living room, he slowly picked up all red items- the red blanket which was beside an unconscious Germany, the red book beside Britain's couch, and stashed them in the closet where he was hiding.

China, however, managed to snatch the green tablecloth off of Britain's dining room table, and covered himself with it, hiding his red shirt from view.  
France scrambled away, ducking into the closet with all of the other items.

"S-spain...?" Britain asked cautiously, approaching the massive animal, caution dawning in his eyes. "Um... are you there...?"  
He carefully maneuvered his way around the furniture and bull sitting in his living room, snatching the phone off the table. Dialing the emergency number, he raised the thing to his ear, and uttered a weak, "Uh... hey, this is Britain... yeah, the nation... well, I had some other nations over, and... well, I know, but... well, they were stabbed... e-er, yes, stabbed, we are located at my regular home, down... oh, okay. Well, alright, I guess... alright, thank you."

While the nations waited for the ambulance to arrive, they all sat awkwardly, taking turns gawking at Spain, the two wounded nations, and the various animals scattered around the room. Finally, it hit Japan. "Um... Britain-san, we should get the animals to leave." staring at at America and Brazil, he murmured, "You might be... confused as being a real bird."

America's intense gaze burned into Japan's.

_Fine._

He opened his broad wings, launching off of the ceiling fan and clumsily flailing upstairs, Brazil in tow, surprisingly graceful in her new body. At least, compared to America, who could't fly for sh*t. Italy was permanently lodged to Germany's leg, refusing to leave. He could pass himself off as a dog or a husky or something, so it was all good. Uruguay was still huddled under the couch, keeping out of sight. _Wh-what about Spain? _he thought worriedly, gawking up at the massive clump of muscles and fur.

Spain was just confused.

_Ai, what is going on? Is there a black-out or something_?

Finally, a quivering Britain whispered, "Spain...?" taking a daring step forward. "Um... if you can here me, lift your leg. But not like that. Not like, pissing. Just... you know, lift your foot. Or hoof. Or whatever."

Spain lifted his foreleg.

Sighing heavily, a startled Britain took a moment to calm his nerves. "Good. Now, you need to go downstairs, or we'll get in trouble." Britain yanked the blanket off of his head, and jumped as sirens sounded in the distance. "Hurry!" he yelped, flinging open the door, and prodding at Spain until the nation finally obliged and crashed clumsily downstairs. Britain slammed the door shut, right as the police hurried in.

They took away Germany and China, never noticing the worried clucks which sounded from Britain's front hall closet.

And Korea and Russia never noticed... until Britain told them.

* * *

**I know it's short and definitely not 3,000 words, but I needed to put up _something_! Sorry!**

**Germany: Why do you hate me?**

**Me: I love you! 3':**

**Britain: FML...**

**China: Really? Kill me off, you ass?**

**Me: Butbutbut-**

**China: Just 'cause you can't write me...**

**Me: hm...**

**Korea: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!**

**Me: I do!**

**Korea: But I wasn't in this one at all! ; ~ ;**

**Me: I... might have forgotten you... I added you and Russia last minute, hehehe. ^^'**

**Russia: You gave me vodka. It was lovely, though the basement was hot.**

**Britain: What the bloody... there was no... it's freezing down there!**

**Me: Please review! I need to finish the states thing D:**

***Why is it that in all my fanfictions, Germany is just like killed? I love his character and all, it just... Idfk xD. Poor, poor Germany. First he's accidentally molested by Wisconsin, now he's being impaled by a bull.**


End file.
